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(cont.)笑话续集开始上演,如果大家都来笑一笑,打破吉尼斯世界记录的梦想就这样不

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156574749 发表于 2007-2-7 17:20:37 | 显示全部楼层
 
英语幽默版三字经

人之初:At the begining of life.
性本善:Sex is good.
性相近:Basically,all the sex are same.
习相远:But it depends on how the way you do it.
苟不教:If you do not practise all the time.
性乃迁:Sex will leave you..


教之道:The way of learning it
贵以专:is very important to make love with only one person.

昔孟母:Once a great mother, Mrs Meng
择邻处:chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence.

子不学:If you don't study hard,
断机杼:Your Dick will become useless.

窦燕山 Dou, the Famous
有义方 owned a very effective exciting medicine
教五子 All his five son took it
名俱扬 and their sexual ability were well-kown.

养不教 If your children don't know how to do it,
父之过 It is all your fault.
教不严 If they had lots of problems with it,
师之惰 their teach must be too lazy to tell them details on sex.

子不学 You may refuse to study this
非所宜 but that is a real mistake
幼不学 If you don't learn it in childhood,
老何为 you will lose your ability when aged

玉不琢 If you don't exercise your dick,
不成器 It won't become hard and strong.
人不学 If you don't learn sex,
不知义 You can by no means enjoy its sweetness
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leochina 发表于 2007-2-21 01:22:23 | 显示全部楼层
 
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

两个猎人进森林里打猎,其中一个猎人不慎跌倒,两眼翻白,似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说:“第一步,要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是,接线员在电话里听到一声枪响,然后听到那猎人接着问:“第二步怎办?”
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512512 发表于 2007-3-5 12:29:25 | 显示全部楼层
 
英语笑话Jackasses jokes
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around,
looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack,
a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark
saying "Jesus is watching you."

The thief nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light
back on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell
he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around
frantically looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who the are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses??!!" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a
parrot Moses?"

&quotrobably the same kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus," the
bird answered
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tom2005 发表于 2007-4-3 10:51:30 | 显示全部楼层
 
去迪士尼


Let's take a trip to Disney
  
Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.
两个金发碧眼的人开车横穿美国,要去弗罗里达州的迪士尼乐园。

As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World left".
当他们即将到达迪士尼乐园,正从高速公路上下来的时候,他们看见一个路标,写着“往左迪士尼。”

After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.
开车的人想了想,说:“哦,好吧。”就把车开回去了。

Note: left在英语中既是左边、往左的意思,也是动词leave(离开)的过去式,表示离开了、走了。


和谁交谈


Who would it be?


An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company.
公司的面试官正在面试一个女青年。

He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"  
他想了解一下她的个性,就问:“如果你可以和任何人进行交谈,无论生动活泼的,还是死气沉沉的,你会和谁交谈?”

She quickly responded, "The living one."
她马上回答:“活着的那个。”
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leixiuyun 发表于 2007-4-4 10:36:44 | 显示全部楼层
 
[s:46]  [s:42] hahahahhahahaaa!!
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曹德勝 发表于 2007-4-5 11:18:45 | 显示全部楼层
 
1.personal question

A six-year-old girl asks her mother, - "Mommy, how old are you?"
The mother replies, - "Honey, that's a very personal question. You
are not supposed to ask a woman her age."
Then she asks, - " How much do you weigh?"

The mother says, - "Honey, that is also a personal question. People
don't want to be asked about their weight."

The girl goes on, - "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?"

The mother says, - "That's a very sensitive subject. When you are
older, I'll tell you."

The next day, the girl goes to the kindergarten and tells her friend
about the conversation she had with her mother. Her friend says, -
"That's easy!! Look at her driver's license. You can find all the
information in there."

So the girl finds her mother's driver's license in her purse, looks at
it for a while, smiles big, and runs to her mother. - "Mommy, mommy, I
know how old you are! You are 32! I know how much you weigh, too! You
weigh 130 pounds! And I also know why you got a divorce! You got an
"F" in sex! "
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zdy800 发表于 2007-6-5 12:52:29 | 显示全部楼层
 
Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What’s the meaning of the word ’Drunk’, dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there’s only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?”  “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”
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weiel 发表于 2007-6-5 13:39:42 | 显示全部楼层

[color=#FF0000]THAT SON OF A BITCH  狗娘养的 [/color]

 
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin. 有个女孩向神父告解她所犯的罪……… Girl: Father, I have sinned. 女孩:神父,我有罪。 Preacher: What did you do, little girl? 神父:孩子,你犯了什麽罪呢? Girl: Yesterday, I called a man ason of a Bitch. 女孩:昨天,我骂了某个男人一句:「你这个狗娘养的!」 Preacher: Why? What did he do to you? 神父:为什麽?他对你做了什麽吗? Girl: He touched my breast. 女孩:他……他摸我的胸部。 Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.) 神父:你是说像这样子吗?(神父伸手摸女孩的胸部) Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes. 女孩:(因为神父的举动而有一些害羞)嗯……是的。 Preacher: That"s no reason to call him that. 神父:只是这样子的话你没有理由骂他啊。 Girl: But he also took off my cloth. 女孩:但是……他又把我的衣服脱掉…… Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.) 神父:你是说像这样子吗?(神父动手脱掉女孩的衣服) Girl: Yes, that"s what he did. 女孩:是的,是这样子没错。 Preacher: That"s still no reason to call him that. 神父:可是这样子你还是没有理由骂他啊。 Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what... 女孩:然後……他把他的……那个……放到我的……那个……里面…… Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what) 神父:(奸笑貌)你是说像这样子吗?(神父和女孩就那个那个了) Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that"s what he did... 女孩:(数分钟後)喔……是的……就是这样子……… Preacher: My dear girl, that"s still no reason to call him a... 神父:我亲爱的孩子,就算是这样你还是没有理由骂他「你这个………」 Girl: But he had AIDS!! 女孩:但是他有 AIDS 呀!! Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!! 神父:那个狗娘养的!!!


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weiel 发表于 2007-6-5 13:51:22 | 显示全部楼层
 
THAT SON OF A BITCH(狗娘养的)
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin. 有个女孩向神父告解她所犯的罪……… Girl: Father, I have sinned. 女孩:神父,我有罪。 Preacher: What did you do, little girl? 神父:孩子,你犯了什麽罪呢? Girl: Yesterday, I called a man ason of a Bitch. 女孩:昨天,我骂了某个男人一句:「你这个狗娘养的!」 Preacher: Why? What did he do to you? 神父:为什麽?他对你做了什麽吗? Girl: He touched my breast. 女孩:他……他摸我的胸部。 Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.) 神父:你是说像这样子吗?(神父伸手摸女孩的胸部) Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes. 女孩:(因为神父的举动而有一些害羞)嗯……是的。 Preacher: That"s no reason to call him that. 神父:只是这样子的话你没有理由骂他啊。 Girl: But he also took off my cloth. 女孩:但是……他又把我的衣服脱掉…… Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.) 神父:你是说像这样子吗?(神父动手脱掉女孩的衣服) Girl: Yes, that"s what he did. 女孩:是的,是这样子没错。 Preacher: That"s still no reason to call him that. 神父:可是这样子你还是没有理由骂他啊。 Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what... 女孩:然後……他把他的……那个……放到我的……那个……里面…… Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what) 神父:(奸笑貌)你是说像这样子吗?(神父和女孩就那个那个了) Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that"s what he did... 女孩:(数分钟後)喔……是的……就是这样子……… Preacher: My dear girl, that"s still no reason to call him a... 神父:我亲爱的孩子,就算是这样你还是没有理由骂他「你这个………」 Girl: But he had AIDS!! 女孩:但是他有 AIDS 呀!! Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!! 神父:那个狗娘养的!!!
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baipi 发表于 2007-6-29 12:41:46 | 显示全部楼层
 
谢谢谢谢谢写
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