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(cont.)笑话续集开始上演,如果大家都来笑一笑,打破吉尼斯世界记录的梦想就这样不

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zchai_2001 发表于 2007-1-3 09:33:57 | 显示全部楼层
 
A chinese man would like to work in the foreign company,because the foreigner can say "Excuse me" when  he command  to do everything.He joins in McDonalds.But his english is poor.One day,he is working,he is busy.He hear"English Muffin(a thick round cake tasting rather like bread)!" "Yes,English is very 麻烦"he answeres.When he picks up his head,he is very shamed, a foreign woman want to purchase the English Muffin...

因为老外想让人干活之前会先说"Excuse me!",所以一个中国人很愿意为外国人工作。后来他加入了麦当劳,但是他的英文不是很好!一天,他正非常繁忙地工作,他听见有人说“English Muffin/玛芬,一种蛋糕”,他回答:“是的,英语很麻烦”当他抬起头时,他非常难堪,原来是一个外国女人想买玛芬...
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zhengjianguo 发表于 2007-1-3 09:44:22 | 显示全部楼层
 
好笑的英文
调查员:What is your father"s name?
小 弟:Happy!!
调查员:What is your mother"s name?
小 弟:Smile!
调查员:Are you joking?
小 弟:No!!That"s my sister!! I am Kidding!! byebye!
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zyw_z 发表于 2007-1-3 11:21:47 | 显示全部楼层
 
 There's the sad story of the poor guy who was in a terrible motorcycle accident. When he came out from under the anesthetic(麻药), the doctor was leaning over him anxiously.

  "Son," he said, "I've got some good news and some bad news.

  "The bad news is that your were in a very serious accident,
and I'm afraid we had to amputate (切除)both your feet just above the ankle."

  "Jesus," gasped the patient. "What's the good news?"

  "The fellow in the next bed over would like to buy your boots."


有个人碰到车祸,当他从麻药中醒来时,医生紧张的在他身边:
“孩子,我有一个好消息和一个坏消息给你。坏消息是车祸非常严重,你的双脚必须切除......”,
“那么好消息呢”,
“好消息是隔壁床上的那个家伙买走了你脚上的靴子”
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niu916 发表于 2007-1-3 12:12:18 | 显示全部楼层
 
[Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理
  A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
  "Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

  A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

  逻辑推理

  小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:“有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么?” 一个女生举手答道,“是不是去取他的存款?” [/color ]
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skywater928 发表于 2007-1-3 18:50:58 | 显示全部楼层

One more cake

 
The old lady was delighted with the gift the boy  brought her.

  "I'll go round and see your mother tomorrow," she said, "And I'll thank for this lovely pie."

  "Um, if you don't mind," the boy said nervously, "could you thank her for two pies?"


Happy new year!
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西墙雨 发表于 2007-1-10 08:39:24 | 显示全部楼层
 
The Looney Bin (疯人院)

      Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院)one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

  Another one said, "How do you know?"

  The first inmate said, "God told me!"

  Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"


疯人院

  一天晚上,在疯人院里,一个病人说:"我是拿破仑!"另一个说:"你怎么知道?"第一个人说:"上帝对我说的!"一会儿,一个声音从另一个房间传来:"我没说!"
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sjk135142 发表于 2007-1-11 17:25:04 | 显示全部楼层

Stock market report

 
Today's Stock Market Report:

Helium was up, feathers were down.

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cows steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remained unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca Cola fizzled.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market
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sjk135142 发表于 2007-1-11 17:26:50 | 显示全部楼层

Our Tails

 
Our Tails
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. Then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时,他的话题又来了:“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴,那么现在尾巴到哪里去了?”

"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
“我来试试看,”一位老太太说。 该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”
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林音随风 发表于 2007-1-29 17:17:19 | 显示全部楼层
 
title: WHERE HURT

     A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.   
     "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
     "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
      The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

     The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."
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hppei 发表于 2007-2-1 15:32:36 | 显示全部楼层
 
The Mean Man's Party
  吝啬鬼的聚会
  The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
  "Why use my elbow and foot?"
  "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

  一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后,再用你的脚把门推开。”
  “为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?”
  “天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答,“你总不会空着手来吧?”
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